There are some people who talk about the relaxation, and there are others who wish to actually feel it.
The government, for example, advocates the relaxation and promises that it would benefit us. By doing so, the government actually calms itself, and that is the ideal situation for it.
At the same time, the terrorists regard the “relaxation” as time for them to gather strength, unite and arm themselves, in preparation for the next round of attacks.
For us, the residents of Sderot and the Gaza Region, a relaxation is sublime, and a little beyond realistic. We don’t believe in it. Why should we? If we still fear to leave our homes for arrangements, shopping, work and etc. because the missiles are still threatening us, how is the relaxation any good for us? For us, its definition is: “A bit longer time range between one missile and another”. It could take a few days or a few hours. For us, a ‘relaxation’ means having ‘just’ one missile launched towards us every day or two.
How can a person relax between one missile attack and another? It’s even hard to rehabilitate from one irregular event that takes place in life (a missile, accident, etc.), so how can a person relax between one such event and another?
While I’m writing about the relaxation, the Qassam attacks keep happening, one after another… The anxiety returns. Again, we must remain at a protected place, although our houses aren’t protected – all we can do is enter an inner room, and hope that we’ll be protected in it.
So, this is the situation now: While we are suffering from anxiety, running to a ‘safe’ place, being concerned with how to survive the attacks and how to spend each and every moment we have left in our lives, trying to keep our thoughts together – These government people sit comfortably and securely, far away from here, and discuss about a ‘relaxation’.
What we want is a real relaxation – Not an aimless temporary break. We want our life to be calm, and we want to be concerned with the usual everyday arrangements and shopping. A simple life, without the permanent missile threat.
So far, the only thing that I managed to do during the relaxation was ‘simply’ settling my breath, knowing that my family is alright, and remaining in an internal room which is considerably safe, because we don’t have a protected room in our house, and I can’t reach a bomb shelter (due to my medical situation). I’m trying to remain calm, and gather my strength for the next missile attack. Settling my breath is the most I can do.
I know that on a regular basis, I can’t leave and ‘escape’ to a safe place, far away from the missile range. It isn’t an option for me. Not in my medical condition. Although we have taken a short vacation (as told in the previous blog), after the preparations and arrangements of the medical equipment, we won’t be able to do it every time the situation here gets “sensitive”. I can’t simply get up and leave whenever I need to relax, because the relaxation is like a dream for me – to live the outside, to breathe real air, and to know that I am able to go and see the life and nature outside.
I felt relaxed when we were on vacation. I became a different person. I was able to breathe more easily, and to do something I’ve never dreamt doing – enjoying a day outside. I saw people, spent some time in the sun… I was still a bit stressed, but it was a different and healthier stress, an exciting type of stress. I was able to go out to the street! Me, in my wheelchair and with my mobile medical equipment, enjoying a day outside – It was a dream coming true! For me, that was an unforgettable experience, and I’ve learnt something about myself – There are things that I can do, despite my disabilities, and only one thing is stopping me – The anxiety from the Qassam missiles. It totally paralyzes me, and prevents me from fully functioning with my disabilities, and from knowing what I’m capable of doing.
I wish that I could live like this in Sderot, too, but regretfully, this situation seems so impossible and unrealistic. The fact that I can’t live in Sderot like people live in a normal city is hard for me, and makes me wish for a calmer life, which would enable me to do things that seem so distant and unreachable here. Before that vacation, I couldn’t believe that I’d ever feel like this, but today I know for sure that if I could find a place which would suit all my needs, outside of the missile range, I would happily enjoy a relaxation. I don’t wish to leave – I love my home and my city. I just wish to be far from the Qassam missile anxiety, and to feel a relaxation
– A real one, during which I’ll be able to go outside, and live a little differently, just for a little while. To live a calmer life.